Although many people believe that domestic violence is a result of substance abuse, mental illness, loss of control or the need for anger management skills on the part of the abuser, this is not the case.   There is also a widely held belief that the victim bears the blame for her own mistreatment─that she “likes it” or that something she did causes her to deserve it.  This, too, is false.   Domestic abuse is defined as “a pattern of behaviors used to gain and maintain control over the intimate partner.”  It occurs in homes across the board:  it happens to women of all races, ages, religious groups, income brackets, and educational levels.  It occurs because the batterer wants to control everything about the victim: what she does, who she talks to, what she wears, what she says, and even what she thinks.  We are using “he” for the batterer and “she” for the victim, because statistically this is the case.  More than 95% of the time, the victim is female while the batterer is male.  It is important to remember that men are also victims.   The batterer uses many methods to control his victim: 
 
Emotional abuse, including: 
>Isolating her from her friends and family, her support system
>Ridiculing her behavior, skills, interests, appearance, belief system
>Humiliating her, especially publicly
 
Economic abuse, including:
>Not allowing her to work
>Requiring her to work, but not allowing her to keep any money
>Causing so much disturbance at her work site that she loses her job
>So many lost work days resulting from beatings that she loses her job  

Psychological abuse, including:
>Intimidation (putting his fist through the wall during an argument)
>Destroying her property
>Threatening her or her children (“If you ever leave me, I’ll find you and I’ll kill you” or “If you ever leave me, I’ll get custody of the kids and you’ll never see them again”)
>Killing or injuring pets    

Physical and/or sexual abuse, including:
>Hitting, strangling, kicking, burning
>Rape, forcible activity with others